Women are secretive. She will like you but never tell you; then when you are married or dating another girl, she will find the guts to say just how she felt about you. Not to you though, but to one of her ‘girl friends’. At times, men fail to read the signs and because women cannot speak up and prefer to lock the secret, they end up missing on the pleasure you could give.
“We don’t say what we mean, we hear what men don’t say, and above all, possess the uncanny ability to get what we want.” says babbe.com’s Lori Garcia. But who blames them? We have secrets we never tell them too; Secrets about those sexual fantasies, that we need them to boost our ego, that they are trophy wives….Sometimes, women keep secrets not to hurt your feelings. They always give that excuse but tell their female best friends who might spread word around and it gets back to you. So, what do they hide in those hearts?
Money they spend on clothes
“I would be mad to tell my guy I bought this jacket at Shs3,000 in kajja or at a flea market. You need to value your clothes more so when he takes you shopping he spends on you generously; you deserve it,” Nisha Lubega, a model reveals. In Kampala, most women’s clothes come cheaper than men’s. What he would spend on a pair of jeans, a woman would get six dresses.
Or several women won’t tell you how much money they spend on clothes because they want to avoid any potential arguments on this matter. They are often torn between honesty and keeping secrets from you. Besides, some men never ask for accountability.
Love for hard working men. “A man who lacks motivation is like a snail whether at work or in bed. Men who work hard inspire women to make better wives to them,” says Daisy Atukunda, a marketing executive. Even if you don’t make as much money, women are convinced that things will get better because you are hard working. It explains how indirectly women influence men to build houses, make long term family goals and later plan marriage. “Behind every successful man is a strong woman” might be cliché but men work harder at times because they want to impress their women by providing them whatever they want.
They talk about sex too. Do you know that women too talk about sex? I was watching NTV the other day and women were talking about being ‘bad girls’; the kind that try different styles in bed, and experiment ways to please and keep their men, or getting dressed in luring outfits at night to set the mood.
Of course, traditional custom had sengas talking to girls about sex, and lately the culture is being returned to universities to ‘prepare’ girls for the experience as though they are not already having it. “I caught my girlfriend telling her friends that she would cheat if the sex was not good,” says Timothy Balyejusa, a banker.
Stalking exes. Women find it hard letting go. “Okay, so we will keep looking at posts on his facebook page, or maybe check out his latest WhatsApp profile picture to see the girl he is dating. That is not exactly stalking, it sounds a bit harsh, but most women do it,” Atukunda confesses. They will defend themselves for checking what their exes are up to not because they still feel something for them, but that they are only curious or because the man is currently a friend.
How she feels about your family. Women find challenges making suitable partners in the eyes of their men’s family. Mothers, sisters and aunts can be painstaking. “I could not stand my in-laws for the first three years of us dating. But I kept a smile every time we went to visit them. His mother felt like I was stealing her son away, the senga asked weird questions. I decided to love them for him and never told him about our differences,” says newlywed Martina Nassaka.
Relationships are a game of flaws and compromises. So, don’t push her hard when you realise she has been keeping a secret. However, there are those that are unforgivable. Imagine finding out three or 10 years later that that child isn’t yours! Truly cases like these have been heard, but thanks to DNA tests, or if you can afford- lie detector tests (laughing heartily), you never need to worry about the secrets.
Memories from past relationships
Without admitting it, women save memories of experiences with their ex-boyfriends, things they did together and the special tiny things that make every man different. “Subconsciously we miss little things from past relationships. Everyman is different and the current one may not do something as good as your ex, so we end up thinking about what the last guy did differently,” says Namulondo.
It doesn’t mean they still carry feelings for ex-partners but treasure those memories more than men would treasure them especially if they made them happy. It is the reason women easily fall back to exes.