In all things, be grateful When was the last time you expressed any gratitude after making love?
Wives and their husbands approach lovemaking with a sense of entitlement; as a result; one of them often feels ‘used’ or even dirty afterwards. Instead of just rolling over and promptly snoring, try cuddling, complimenting their efforts or even pampering your spouse afterwards even if you are feeling worn out.
The Buganda ssengas taught their soon-to-be married nieces how to use a soft cloth and warm water to ‘bathe’ their future husbands after sex. On top of ensuring his quick rejuvenation, this was also a way of expressing gratitude. Today with advanced amenities, many couples simply jump into the shower together.
Not bad, but think about it; wiping each other down is more intimate, can trigger ‘second servings’ and says thank you more than words…
The modern wife looks at this as subservience; well, it is all up to you. You can say a quick, non-committal thanks, a session of verbal praise and compliments, or you can let actions speak louder than words. Each elicits different results.
Some people show this gratitude by making a special breakfast, treating their spouses to a cosy date night, or even turning up with a thoughtful gift or flowers the following day…
Just know, grateful people have a way of leaving their givers little choice but to give them even more.
You ask and are not given, because you ask badly
A friend once shared the story of his buddy who seemed not to have any sexual luck with his wife. When he shared with his friends about this drought, they asked about his seduction skills. He said he stands there naked with hands akimbo and orders: “serve me!” (this, reportedly with a heavy Rukiga accent). I still wonder whether he ever got served…
Many spouses have no clue about seduction and foreplay.
One wife, who was not mortified about her infidelity (sadly she eventually died of Aids), used to justify her antics by saying her husband was such a bad ‘asker’.
He would inform her matter-of-factly that he was to visit her bed that night (they always slept in separate bedrooms) and if he walked in and found her dressed in her sexy lingerie, he would bark: “What are you still doing in those clothes when you knew I was coming over?!” Soon she stopped trying for any excitement in their quick, uneventful meetings, only providing herself out of duty.
Men are not the only culprits.
Wives are master tantrum-throwers when they are feeling amorous, because many steeped in Ugandan cultures and traditions, have no clue how to initiate sex. Instead, they throw tantrums, provoke their husbands and say hurtful things in the hope that there will be a fight and make-up sex afterwards. Some have ruined their marriages and physical looks in the process.
Don’t awaken desire you are not ready to quench
Don’t use sex as bait; as a means to an end. Wives, especially, do this. She seduces her husband and when he is on the brink of quenching his whetted appetite, she starts making financial and other non-sex-related demands she hopes he is too excited to reject.
Should he not bite the bait, he is left to simmer. But for how long can you do that before you introduce regrettable habits into your marriage?
And for the crazy-in-love newlyweds, be you in the marital bed from the word go. Don’t start doing things you have no plans of sustaining. You will get your spouse hooked on some freaky things, styles and positions, only to balk after the first anniversary because you are tired of your own charade. If you have no plans of keeping up the charade, don’t even go there!
A stitch in time saves nine
Come on, don’t sulk too long, don’t let sexual dysfunctions continue untreated for too long, and ladies, know when enough is enough with that sex ban thing, eh!
And more importantly, communicate early about your issues with the lovemaking (especially what you don’t like) before they become septic.
And lastly, it is not about how often you fall, but how fast you pick yourself up. During and after sex, spouses will inevitably mess up. Badly. Think horrible flatulence. Or this one wife who blurted out the wrong name at crunch time (ouch!) Or the loving husband who at the said crunch time, was asked, “Do you still love me?” and could only manage a blood-already-left-my-head “huh??” in his excitement. It nearly cost him the marriage.
But when you fall, pick yourself up and make amends. Oh, and explain yourself. Don’t let the unfortunate stumbles define the rest of your married life.