I happened to recently witness another embarrassing separation in my neighbourhood. It was both dramatic and sad. Alice has been married to Moses for seven years. They have two lovely boys aged five and three, and they fondly call me “uncle”.
For the past seven years I had known this couple, they had never showed signs of hard feelings against each other. Alice and Moses did those things couples do for fun; dined out regularly, went to church together every Sunday, walked hand in hand, and I have even seen them get cuddly in their compound. They were a couple made in heaven – until last weekend when Alice packed her bags.
Hell broke loose when Moses was fed on wrong information about Alice. There are these women in the neighbourhood who always love to ferment trouble. These kinds of people are usually everywhere, even at work places. They were envious that this couple was in love and lived peacefully.
They started telling Alice that her husband was chasing around university girls. Because Alice knew them well, she told the nosy neighbours off.
“Yes, I am aware of what he does with them. He tells me about his exploits,” Alice said with biting sarcasm.
The women were not amused. They changed their game plan, and started telling Moses that Alice was seeing another man. Then they went ahead to fix someone to make suspicious calls and send phony messages on Alice’s phone. Some people can be the incarnation of the devil!
The more Alice told the man to back off, the more he persisted. She did not, however, tell Moses about it. He would be upset. But she did not know why this man was persistent.
Before long, Moses started accusing Alice of infidelity. She could not explain to him enough that she did not know that man.
And last weekend, Moses threw her out after the other man sent her a text thanking Alice for taking good care of him. It was all a lie. Anyway, the couple fought. Many moved in to separate them, and sympathise with Alice. The more people gathered, the more Alice became uncontrollable.
Bebe Cool has a song, Kaba Kamwako, which says, your mouth tells how one was bred and raised! Alice started hurling insults at Moses. “When I met you, you were sleeping on a mat, how you dare throw me out of the house I have contributed to?” she shouted. “I helped your family marry me, I had better men to marry, and you came on your knees begging. I had pity on you, you poor rat. You must be very stupid.”
At this point we pleaded that she stops insulting her husband, who at this time had locked himself in the house. “You are even a joke in bed, and in fact, I should take my children away to another man. You cannot father any child,” Alice said. At this point, some jaws dropped. The children were there watching their mother talk like a mad woman. We left one by one.
It is okay for loved ones to have little quarrels or conflicts. Actually, it may bring back some sparks of love in the relationship, and I know some couples who get good sex after a fight.
However, when you reach a point of embarrassing your partner, then your differences become irreconcilable.
Till then, no one knew that Alice had an empty head. However, by the time she was done, she had undone her reputation, and of course her husband’s.
The lesson – don’t speak when angry. Or, you will regret what you have said. And when you speak, do not say more than necessary.
When you do not hurt each other with words, it can help when both of you heal, and want to get back together. You will also be perceived as mature by the larger public. Therefore when you separate or get sticky issues with your partner, move on quietly. You lose nothing.